OFF TOPIC THREAD

Are you absolutely certain Mrs M that Rick went thataway?



Can't you call that dog off? It thinks I'm Rick!




Oh hell, what are those two up to again?

“The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.” - Oscar Wilde

Kiwi Fruit will ripen when placed in a paper bag in the bottom of the fridge with a Banana.

Talking of Kiwi fruit.......

The New Zealand Kiwi corporation (something like that) was giving away a Golden coloured Kiwi called a "Zespri" at the various agricultural shows two Summers ago.

It was lovely. However I have never been able to buy one! Is this because:
a. The product doesn't exist?
b. The New Zealand Kiwi corp can't get its act together?


Paul

No Camera, I have first hand knowledge that the CIA has it under wraps!

1. If you were to roll a lung from a human body and out flat it would be the size of a tennis court.

2. Louisiana is the only state that grows in land area every year (Due to alluvial deposits from the Mississippi River).

3. 80% of millionaires drive used cars.

4. The U.S. Government spent $277,000 on pickle research in 1993.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound evergy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 month, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

The Male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
("Honey, Im home. What the.....?")

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Ummm maybe this is why women are called the stronger sex

Just a bit of trivia to amuse...........

Cheers

Aussie

quote:

Ummm maybe this is why women are called the stronger sex

I protest - Moderator? this remark is off topic!

Paul

quote:

Ummm maybe this is why women are called the stronger sex

It's about time - I'm tried of doing all the manual work, and tired of always being on the top.

Stronger in this case means smarter.....'cause who is doing all the work Rick

Good point. But then how does that relate to, “The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.” Does that mean that women’s brains are in their tongues? Hey, I’m not complaining.

BTW: "3. 80% of millionaires drive used cars."
Not true - it's 100%, at least of those that drive. Some are driven.

Means they are better talkers/communicators which therefore ensures they get what they want.

I would of said...

Better manipulators therefore ensuring we get what we want

PLEASE - Manipulate! Manipulate! Manipulate! - (is that after, during, or before foreplay?) There's a "man" in that word, so it must be good - but do I want to be ipulated? And, will you still respect me in the morning? "Ipulated" sounds like something, or somethings, being cut off?

Still in my teens so still in training....should get my manipulation certificate by 21st birthday.

Rick, ipulated sound more like something implanted....better be careful

"Ipulate" is definitely the removal of a body part, I just havent decided what part.

I have a few ideas, its why "man" is in front of "ipulate". Its one of those reverse order meaning things.

I'd say it would have to be after Rick, otherwise there wouldnt be much of anything going on.

Oh right! I was thinking putate was cutting something off as in amputate, and maybe ipulate could be pulling ones leg

quote:

Originally posted by Bartelby:
"Ipulate" is definitely the removal of a body part, I just havent decided what part.

I think it would be the ipula. Surgical removal would be a ipuloctomy. The sound would be – “Crap, can we talk about this?”

quote:

Originally posted by Bartelby:
I'd say it would have to be after Rick, otherwise there wouldnt be much of anything going on.

Is there ever? And, would that be before or after the 30 seconds?

30 seconds???? pfffffffffffff

You are being a bit generous arent you?

Lexie,

Perhaps you are right. I loose track of time. It’s whatever the length of the commercials are during a televised sporting event, or, as is unfortunately (or fortunately) the case, the length of the timeouts. Hey, don’t blame me. Send a letter to the coaches and ask for longer time outs – like maybe 45 seconds (don’t get pushy and ask for 60).

Anyway, why would any gal want to fake for more than 30 seconds – this isn’t the Oscars. After 30 seconds, even a guy (well, some of them) would start to suspect.

P.S. Take out the batteries in the remote – you might just get 10 or 15 more seconds. And if that doesn't work, you could always use the batteries elsewhere.

This is way too much for Aussie....off to get ready for Xmas Eve shindig

Cheers

quote:

Originally posted by Rick:
Lexie,

Perhaps you are right. I loose track of time.

I've tried tightening it, but it doesn't work.

quote:

It’s whatever the length of the commercials are during a televised sporting event

I just switch 'em off - sporting events, not commercials!

quote:

Anyway, why would any gal want to fake for more than 30 seconds – this isn’t the Oscars. After 30 seconds, even a guy (well, some of them) would start to suspect.

P.S. Take out the batteries in the remote – you might just get 10 or 15 more seconds. And if that doesn't work, you could always use the batteries elsewhere.

You call them remotes? Oh, those remotes!!

quote:

Originally posted by Mike from West Yorkshire:
I've tried tightening it, but it doesn't work.

Thanks, Mike. I’ve really been working on that one. The last time I screwed that up on this forum was January 29, 2004. You might get a kick out of this – it was from posts such as yours that I started catching myself. I started X-mas celebrating early, so I was pretty loose.

Next time I screw that up, please smack me – it’s the only way I'll learn.

quote:

Originally posted by Mike from West Yorkshire:
You call tham remotes? Oh, those remotes!!

Part of the wedding vowels vows here are, “Do you take this remote, for better, for worse, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do you part (batteries not included)?” I'm told that some of the gals are very proud of their remotes. Of course, some of the guys suffer from remote-envy - that's only natural with the technology of today.

quote:

Originally posted by Rick:
I started X-mas celebrating early, so I was pretty loose.

We are still celebrating it, Rick, so could probably be described as tight!

quote:

Originally posted by Mike from West Yorkshire:
We are still celebrating it, Rick, so could probably be described as tight!

Can one be tight if they are passed out? I felt pretty relaxed.

quote:

Originally posted by aussie_girl:
Rick, ipulated sound more like something implanted....better be careful

From my limited experiences, an implant is typically preferred to a no-plant. I’m reminded of the story of Jack and his Beanstalk - it about a young lad with a humongous plant.

Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive, or be he dead,
I'll have his bones to grind my bread.
Sounds like the Giant was Anglophobic, or not much of a baker. Maybe the Giant thought BLT was Brit, Lettuce and Tomato.

quote:

I'll have his bones to grind my bread.

Wasn't it, "I'll grind his bones to make my bread."?

Google search results:

81 “I’ll have . . .”

477 “I’ll grind . . .”
The I’ll-grinds win it by a landslide.

I was gonna have to back Jab on this one, I was always taught "I'll grind his bones to make my bread".

I wonder what raising agent you would use? I would ask Mory if he was here.

quote:

I wonder what raising agent you would use?

I think a little flirting would do the trick.

quote:

I would ask Mory if he was here.

Shop’s husband might be able to provide a baker's insight.



Probably best the Giant wanted to grind Jack’s bones instead of his stalk. Then the story would have been “Jill and the Bean”.

quote:

Originally posted by Rick:

quote:

I wonder what raising agent you would use?

I think a little flirting would do the trick.

Yes, you are probably correct, we are talking about bones after all.

quote:

we are talking about bones after all.

Lexie,

You won that round.

I'll take any victory I can get

It’s a bonea fide victory (I’m tempted, but I know when I’ve been licked and beat).

quote:

Originally posted by Rick:
but I know when I’ve been licked and beat).

That would be in your dreams?

30 - love.

If I could just score - story of my life.

Hey Rick rewrite the story and come with a new title

Aussie,

It’s been awhile since I did a book report on Jack, and Cliffs Notes aren’t as detailed as they should be, so I have to rely on memory (don’t forget, guys aren’t noted for having good memories – convenient yes, but not good).

The gold-laying goose should stay in the story. But, I do have a problem with the Giant’s wife. She seems like a nice lady, so why is she married to such a grouch? I can’t find any specific reference to domestic violence, but the Giant’s attitude would suggest it. It seems like the wife could do better, or was the supply of eligible Giant bachelors limited?

I also think Jack could have been more considerate of the Giant’s wife. Jack takes off and never calls nor writes Mrs. Giant.

The story could use modernization – at a minimum the wife sues for divorce and obtains 50% of the Giant’s property (minus the goose and the golden harp that Jack stole from Mr. & Mrs. Giant).

Seems to me, the two male figures (Jack and the Giant) aren’t the best of guy role models. The Giant is a cannibal and Jack is a thief, and an ingrate.

Of course, the wife letting Jack into the house while her husband is at work suggests infidelity, but that could be saved for another version.

quote:

30 - love.

If I could just score - story of my life

This is the story I was referring to for rewrite Maybe you could incorporate Jack & the other characters into it if you think they have a role to play

I think I like the score as it is, Aussie. I’m not winning, but at least I haven’t lost.