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FOR SQUEAKY ! ! !

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puppyraiserpuppyraiserMember
Yes !! A pic instead of the text. You must include the [IMG]...[\IMG] .

Not sure why the quotes don't show it as typed. They must automatically strip out any graphics.



[This message was edited by puppy_raiser on December 29, 2003 at 08:02 PM.]

[This message was edited by puppy_raiser on December 29, 2003 at 08:02 PM.]

[This message was edited by puppy_raiser on December 29, 2003 at 08:03 PM.]
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mrsmmrsmMember
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

mrsmmrsmMember
FOr Rick...

Law of Cat Inertia


A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest

A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter

mrsmmrsmMember
Nine things dogs don't understand
1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.

2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.

3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.

4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.

5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid

6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk

7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.

8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.

9. No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece.

mrsmmrsmMember
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

puppyraiserpuppyraiserMember
It is reported that the following addition to the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where did pets come from?":

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you as much. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and Eve and loved them.
And Adam was comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know he is not worthy of adoration.

And God created CAT to be a companion for Adam.
And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.
And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog wagged his tail.
And Cat did not care one way or the other.

rickrickMember
quote:
Originally posted by Mrs.M:
Rick, wasn't it great to have Billie back?

VERY!


quote:
Originally posted by Mrs.M:
Since I have always thought maybe I said something to make her leave

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T DO IT AGAIN!


quote:
Originally posted by Mrs.M:
I am especially glad.

I AM ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY GLAD!


quote:
Originally posted by Mrs.M:
missed her!

MISSING IS OVER WITH - I HOPE.


I SURE HOPE SQUEAKY SHOWS UP.


P.S. GREAT PICTURE.
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S supersqueakyMember
HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL!

Now I feel sooooo guilty for not logging in over the holidays.... Frown

I didn't even spend enough time in front of my PC to take advantage of the free New Year Snipe....

We were away racing part of the time, and off in the Borders training some of the rest of the time. Volk (the real SS, as you all know) got rather carried away with the concept of snow and careered off on a twelve mile run which ended with me lying in a frozen-over stream and the other three dogs in the team rather surprised!

What exactly I said to him while enjoying that lovely cold water would most certainly be turned into stars by the BB. Wink

I haven't managed to look right through all the husky photos yet, but as soon as I get settled this evening I'm going to add a few of my own....

With thanks, best wishes for the new year and tail wags galore,

SS

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