(1) For spammers in general.
Dear Tiresome Nuisance Spammer
Thank you for your concern.
At the moment, I do not require:
Medical supplies
Bits to add inches to parts of my anatomy
Other things to remove inches from other bits of my anatomy
Anti-wrinkle goop
Stocks
Shares
Mortgages
Loans
Software
Oil paintings
Chinese generator sets
Nude pictures of film stars with misspelt names
Watches with £2.99 quartz movements and so-called designer names
Degrees from non-existent universities that evidently do not teach any sort of English
Links to spoof phishing banks that I do not use
Ebay spoof phishing auctions that I know nothing about
Don't call me - I will call you. Time required to delete future crap of this sort that lands in my Inbox will be charged at my usual rate and added to your next invoice.
This is a machine-generated automatic reply, so any replies to it will not be read.
Nigerian spammers:
Attention: I am Zog Flurble-Toiletduck, cousin of the son of neighbour of the late President of Epsilon Aurigae III
Congratulations! Your email has been entered in our monthly Nigerian Scam Email Competition (NSEC) , and has won First Prize (FP).
Scores: (/100)
Unbelievable name(s): 37
Invalid use of upper case: 20
Capitalized common nouns: 7
Grammatical errors: 27
Non-existent acronyms: 9
Inscrutable text: 45
Floating apostrophes 2
To claim your prize, please send me:
Your bank account number, sort code, and account name
A JPEG of your signature
Your phone, mobile, fax numbers, waist sizes and those of all your neighbours, relatives and friends and anyone else you can think of.
We will deposit the prize money of 42,000 GBP in the above account. The transaction will be totally risk-free
Flurb Toilet-Zoggleduck
For further information on how you can make money from this sort of crap, visit http://j-walk.com/other/conf/
This is an automatically generated email - replies will not be read
Naturally, you should never actually reply to one of these spams, as it then authenticates your address, but it makes me feel better!
