- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You sleep with your eyes open.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- People use you to blend their margaritas.
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy watching you.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You make motion detectors explode.
- You don't wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You know you're addicted to coffee when ..