Top five help desk responses:
5. Reboot your computer (like I haven't done that 30 times!)
4. Unplug everything for 30 seconds
3. Uninstall program 'x' and re-install (this will take 3 hours). Make sure you have your original disk and registration code handy.
2. Download our latest drivers (which are already installed and were working for the last 6 months).
1. Please hold .... click! You've been disconnected!