Welcome to the forum. Of course, it does not really matter how one thinks eBay's bidding system SHOULD work; one must conform to how it DOES work, if one hopes to win. Anything else is a waste of time and mental energy.
With a reserve, I simply bid the same way I do on any other auction. If my bid is not enough to meet the reserve, then I do not win; it is the same as if someone else had overbid me. If I do meet the reserve, then I win if I am the highest bidder. To me, it is a dispassionate process; even if I really want the item, I still follow this basic approach.